Ibiza Nightclub To Sell Water As “Vegan Beer” For €25 Per Bottle

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One of Ibiza’s best known nightclubs have leaked plans to sell bottled water, rebranded as vegan beer, for €25 per bottle next summer.

Sources within the clubbing industry claim the introduction of “expensive vegan friendly beer” could completely reinvent the clubbing landscape on the island.

“We’ve got a saying here in Ibiza when it comes to drink prices,” our anonymous club source told us. “It’s ‘charge whatever people are willing to pay’ and, so far, I still don’t think we’ve found out what that actually is. Everytime time we raise the prices, people lap it up. At the moment, we’ve got a 1,200% markup on beer. With the new vegan beer, we could increase that tenfold.”

“I’ve got a feeling that, if this goes to plan, you might be seeing a handful of new super yachts in the marina in 2019,” continued the source. “We might even be able to give our PR teams a raise of fifty cent a day but we’ll have to wait and see about that, margins are still tight-ish.”

According to Jemima Featherstone, a vegan blogger and cocaine connoisseur, €25 is a small price to pay for a clean, healthy and sustainable lifestyle.

“I’ve actually been drinking this brand of vegan beer for quite a few years now,” Featherstone told us. “Not only is it vegan friendly, it’s also organic and completely fair trade. I’ll often have six or seven bottles when I’m out on the bag and it’s so refreshing and clean that I hardly even notice I’m drinking and, to top it all off, there’s practically no hangover with it, it’s quite possibly the greatest beer ever.”

Ibiza Officials are warning all tourists to be extra vigilant this summer as there is likely to be large volumes of fake vegan beer on the black market.

Pedro Torres, Minister of Drinks, spoke earlier, “We are advising everyone to be very careful when buying vegan beer in 2018. We have heard reports of large consignments of fake vegan beer making their way to the island so you should only buy vegan beer from a designated vegan beer outlet.”

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